When I left the house this afternoon to do some shopping, I knew I didn't feel like being very friendly. However, it was foremost in my mind that our behavior shouldn't be determined by how we feel. Somewhere in the past couple weeks (I'm thinking the pastor said something his sermon) I got the message that worship is not necessarily about how we feel. We may not feel like being obedient, but we must still obey. We may not feel like being friendly, but we must still behave in a Christian manner. We may not feel joyful, but we must still give thanks and praise. I am glad that was in the front of my thoughts, because stores this time of year can be madhouses, and I was able to respond with smiles and "that's alright" when I was cut off in aisles or bumped into by kids, rather than being grumpy.
This morning Jeff took the older 2 boys with him to run some errands. Tyler went out to the car, and then came running back in the house yelling that somebody had stolen his bike. Jeff, Travis, and Tyler all went out to look all around the yard, but the truth was somebody had indeed stolen Tyler's bike. It's 3 days before Christmas, we have nothing under our tree, and the boy's bike is gone.
Tyler bucked up as best he could and went with his Dad and brother. I called Rainbow to cry on her shoulder, figuratively. I also told Rainbow about the incident that took place Sunday morning…when I stayed home from church because of a sore throat. Tommy and I dozed on the couch until about 11, when I woke up suddenly with the thought that I needed to lock the backdoor. I always have the doors locked, even when we're home. Jeff and the older boys hadn't locked it behind them when they left for church, so I went ahead and locked it. Somewhere between 11:30 and noon the doorknob rattled like somebody was opening the door. Tommy ran for the door yelling "Daddy, Daddy" with the intention of opening the door. I knew it wasn't time for Jeff to be back, so swept Tommy up and looked out the window by the door. There was nobody there, no car in the driveway but ours. Whoever had been trying to open the door was gone. Thank you, Lord, for telling me to lock the door. What would've happened if they had walked in and there had been a confrontation? Do they know our routine, and fully expect us to be gone to church? Who were they and what did they want?
After talking to Rainbow, I sat down and sobbed. Part of me feels an enormous amount of grief over the losses we've had this year. It's been a financially and emotionally draining year for us. Materialistically things have been horrible. Emotionally, well, let's say family members have shown their true colors. It's just been rough. I was feeling vulnerable, scared, and like there's no sense of security here. Then I remembered I was told to lock the door, I remembered that God provided this home when we needed it, I remembered that He has provided for us all along and that He has things under control. After having a good cry, I went to the computer where I sent out an e-mail with a prayer request and posted to Facebook my frustrations and request for prayer.
Jeff and the boys came home, we did our chores, and then I took the boys to meet friends at the roller rink. I began to count our blessings, not material blessings, but relationships: Friends from school that I haven't seen in almost 20 years but still bring smiles or tears; friends from church who know they can rely on me if they need me and whom I know I can rely on also; friends from scouts who are becoming friends away from scouts; friends from friends; and family who are truly friends as well. I have enjoyed the company of many people these past couple months who probably don't know how much I really appreciated their time, even though I tried to tell them.
Shari, a friend, was a sponsor for Kitsap Mortgage Team's client appreciation event tonight. They rented Olympic Cinemas and showed The Princess and the Frog in all the theatres. There were goodie bags, door prizes, etc... Travis, Tyler, and I went to that tonight. We had great seats smack dab in the middle of the theatre. Shari's mother-in-law sat with us, and that was nice…a good sense of belonging and sense of past. After all, Carol has known me for 26 years, since her son and my brother were good friends back at Manchester Elementary. She sat next to Travis, and I took a moment to appreciate that he is friends with her grandson….what a wonderful village we have at times.
After the movie I got to spend a few moments with Shari, to thank her for inviting us. I haven't spent any time with her in over a year, and realized today how very much I miss her. The boys went for a short drive and stopped at the grocery store. I asked Tyler if he'd had a good day, and he said "yes" with no hesitation, no sense of loss. I'm not foolish enough to think he's over his bike, but I was relieved to know that he seems to have his priorities in line. As much as we have lost materialistically this year, we have gained in time spent with loved ones. We have learned some life lessons, and we are probably a stronger family unit because of it. It is amazing to me how in one day I can go from grieving my losses to celebrating my blessings. God is truly good.
Merry Christmas Everyone! Remember the meaning of the holiday has nothing to do with what is under the tree, filling the stockings, or cooking in the kitchen—it's all about what's in your heart! God Bless!
